Five years ago I was selfish, non-committal and arrogant. I still encapsulate some of these attributes, but I believe there has been growth. The hard part is that growth usually comes exponentially when hardships or challenges are in the way. So in becoming more authentic, being able to make decisions and being on a path of humility took a range of circumstances like marriage separation, the thought of infertility and not being on top of my job. I also grow through reflection. Reflecting on how I treated people, for example my mother, as she was both dependent on others for her physical needs but craving time. And reflecting on how I treated my husband and contrasting that on how he treated me, also sped up the trajectory of growth.
My husband has taught me so many things. He has taught me how to resolve conflict (quickly, with apologies and fun). He has taught me that money is not what should be loved or that status should not be attributed by your paycheck. He taught me that family comes first. And he also taught me how to be funny and at times he recognises and concedes that I’m the funniest member of our household.
Having pointed out some of the things about my growing knowledge of previous blindspots, I would like the next five years to equally be filled with positive change. I remember once on a farewell card, one of my colleagues wrote, “Don’t change Lib”. To which my boss’ wife wrote underneath, “No, change, change, change”. She was a counsellor and I think was qualified to say that change in terms of personal growth, is to be aspired to.
So where can I see myself in five years? Probably circumstantially there will be some similarities and some glaring differences. I hope situationally that I am in the same job that I want to continue to commit to. I hope that my daughter continues to develop strongly as she will have gone through her critical forming days. I hope that my husband and I are healthy, in the full sense of the word. I hope that with maturity of age comes further wisdom. I don’t yet know the pitfalls that I’m currently in through my mind traps. But I hope that in five years time I’m surely aware of these and am in the position to adapt and continue to morph into a better version of myself.
I know that if I am wanting all this, as explained that this usually means that obstacles need to be overcome, that life may be hard. I know that if I am wanting the results and change, usually there is an instigator. But I pray that through these difficult catalysts ahead that I will have a steady mind, acknowledging a readiness and even if unprepared for the heartache, I hope that my heart becomes bigger. Bring on the good, the bad and ugly of the next five years! I want to be ready for the next evaluation come mid-decade, to be able to reflect on further internal development. Bring it on!